Trying Times

 So today I received some bad news after a morning/early afternoon of worrying. This morning I couldn't get ahold of James which is very unusual. I knew he had a doctors appointment this morning and I also know he has been struggling and I wanted to check in on him. At first I felt I had just called while he was at the doctor so I waited for a while. Well a little more than an hour went by and I figured he had to be done with his doctors appointment. But he still wasn't answering his phone. after a few more tries I finally decided to see if I could locate where he was. iPhones have this tracker type thing that you can find another iPhone on your account. Well when I looked up his phone it said he was at Dixie Regional medical center so I didn't think anything of it because I thought that's where his doctor was located. Long story short after 5 hours not being able to get ahold of him and his phone still showing him at the hospital I REALLY started to worry. For a good cause too. FINALLY he called me around 4:00. When he was at the hospital he mentioned that there are days that he wished he wouldn't wake up or wondered what it would be like to drive his truck off the road. His doctor had him admitted to the physic ward and they took everything away from him. He was finally allowed to call me on the hospital phone. He said he was "ok" and not to worry. (yeah right!) He also said he wasn't sure how long they were going to keep him there but he really wants to come home and wish they would let him. I told him because he was on suicide watch that being sent home this early was highly unlikely. After I got off the phone with him I headed to mom and dad armstrongs and talked to them. I had mentioned to them that I was worried because I hadn't heard anything earlier and was wondering if they had. So they wanted an update...and boy what an update. It was also in front of Abby, who has been living with mom and dad through this whole Covid epidemic, and Lisa who had recently came down to visit as well. I have been a ball of nerves all day. I called my mom and dad to let them know as well as the bishop and my supervisors. I wasn't sure when he was going to be back and needed to let them know so I could get my weekend shifts covered. This whole thing has been so...I cant even pin point the right words to describe it. This day has felt like an eternity. Like a whole week or month wrapped into a tiny ball and shoved down my throat. I have never had time stand still like this before. I am so overwhelmed, tired, wired, scared, anxious and a whole lot of other emotions that I cant sort through. They seem to be hitting me all at once like a freight train.